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The best "wed" sites combine new technology with tradition

By Jesse Roman

Back in November, engaged Stowe residents Matt Roberts and Anna Harper sent friends and family a tasteful, colorful e-mail note.

At the bottom of the forest-green e-card with finely stenciled borders was a Web link. A click whisked the recipient to a handsome picture of the happy couple standing in front of a beautiful mountain vista.

The top of the Web site had a countdown meter (only 165 days to go!), and the date of the wedding. Numerous pages on the site told guests all they would want to know about the couple, the family, the ceremony and the reception. There was even a guestbook for friends and family to post notes, a photo album, and an easy and direct link to the wedding registry.

A quick tour through the site, and even a stranger begins to feel as if a longtime friend is preparing to walk down the aisle.

"We realized there was way more we could do with this (Web site) program and it was super easy. It has everything, the whole nine yards; there are endless options," Anna said of the couple’s decision to make their own wedding Web site.

"With the expense of printing, postage, shipping and all that, we just didn’t think all that was necessary. Plus it’s so time-consuming. Forget it. We saved a whole bunch of time, and a whole bunch of money."

Welcome to wedding planning in the 21st century. TheKnot.com, OurWeddingDay.com, InStyleWeddings.com, Facebook, and similar social media sites have made it easy for couples to organize, plan and coordinate weddings, large and small, from the comfort of their living rooms.

The movement is gaining steam.

Do’s and Don’ts

Wedding purists and older generations might cringe at the thought of using the Internet as the primary link among the couple, guests and family.

It is an odd conundrum: The most traditional of institutions is being thrust into the digital age.

Are there lines that should be drawn?

Peggy Post, an author and granddaughter of world-renowned etiquette queen Emily Post, says wedding Web sites are not only practical and make planning easier, but they also often produce a much better organized wedding.

"Tradition is fabulous; it is the tried and true way of doing things, but it is OK to bend tradition," Post said in an interview. "Lots of couples are really nervous; they think everything has to be a certain way. But as long as friends, family and guests are comfortable, you don’t have to stay with tradition. Go with whatever works."

However, Post doesn’t encourage couples to abandon tradition entirely. Paper invitations and thank-you notes after the wedding are still essential, she said.

"Having guests RSVP electronically is fine, but I encourage couples to provide guests the mechanism to also RSVP the traditional way - with paper. Not every guest is linked into a computer, so give guests an option," Post said.

Anna and Matt sent "Save the date" magnets to their guests, which included the name of their wedding Web site. The thought was to give general information to their guests, and if more details were needed, or if there were questions, the Web site would provide answers.

"We were definitely concerned about the grandparents; they’re not so into the Internet," Anna said. "We told our parents to take our grandparents on the Web site to show them how it works. Once Matt’s grandmother realized this is what we’re doing, … she realized, ‘This Internet is pretty interesting.’"

Wedding Web sites - or "Wed sites" as they’re known to some - are "fabulous and incredibly useful," Post said.

When creating the site, "the biggest thing is to not overwhelm guests with information, or make it too terribly personal so that people get bogged down. You don’t need to write about every date, or your first kiss; make it useful," Post said.

Also, don’t make your registry the focus of the Web site, she said; make the link to the registry discreet, so as not turn off any of your guests.

Send guests a link to the wedding Web site by e-mail, or include the site on supplemental material you send with the invitation. Post discourages couples from listing the Web site on the physical invitation itself.

The personalized wedding Web site remains useful in the weeks after the wedding. It’s a great place for the married couple offer guests a little follow-up, such as wedding and honeymoon photos and a place to write a sincere thank-you note, Post says.

But "that should not stop you from still writing and sending out individual thank-you notes," Post said.